Phantho: Difference between revisions

[[File:Screenshot 2025-11-01 011305.png|thumb|I will not be silenced]]

= Hello, Irony Community. This is my final farewell. This will be the last any of you will ever hear from me. If you choose to revert the page, whatever. Just at least hear what I'm going to explain. =

== Let me tell you a story. Back in Elementary school, I was a funny kid. I would blurt out jokes whenever the teacher is speaking. Like the teacher would ask the class something related to the lesson and I would reply with a random=funny type response like burger. One time in 3rd grade my teacher read to us a book about a heroic hippo. Later that day, we were doing a lesson on jobs. She asked every student what they wanted to work as in the future. When it was my turn to answer, I said "When I grow up, I want to be a hippo hunter!". I had a strange fascination with killing innocent animals. I remember having a deep hatred for birds. Particularly baby birds or just really small ones. I wanted to stomp on them. One day when I was about 9 I found a blue bird egg on the ground. I stomped on it. I told all of my friends in class about it and I was ostracized for it. I didn't understand. Fast forward to middle school. I was past this weird edginess. Now it was just me trying to fit in. I was a top target of bullying due to wearing glasses (probably). I tried to play along with them and show it didn't bother me and that I was cool enough to just not be bullied. It didn't go away until high school. I believe another big reason was because I didn't like sports. ==

== These people hated me. Now I'm only talking about my interactions with the popular kids here, of course I had friends who were more on my wavelength and there were plenty of them before they dwindled away. For reference I now only have one friend IRL. My friends back then would argue with me a lot and believed I had a lot of bad opinions. Like I was very bigoted and homophobic and said slurs a lot. I bullied this autistic furry girl a lot. I hated her. I still do. I saw her at work the other day shopping. Why is she allowed to be in public spaces? She's a fucking weird lunatic. But I digress. Anyway, yeah middle school was bad. Also I was very socially inept and had no self awareness. I constantly did things that I saw no problem with but in retrospect made me look like a fucking autistic loser. Like I would do this thing where I'd walk down the halls like a Minecraft character and people would laugh at me for it but I continued to do it because I thought it was making people like me. Or I'd send my crush snaps of me grabbing the screen with the caption "POV I'm kidnapping you" or something along those lines. It doesn't matter. The point is I would do this embarrassing ass shit as a desperate attempt to be one of the popular kids. ==

== Now in high school I was functionally very normal (not really but sort of). Do you know why this is? The summer before 9th grade (approximately may of 2020) I joined the r/okbuddyretard subreddit for the first time. Shortly after I saw they had a discord server and I joined it. I would talk there occasionally and send memes and whatever. I was a regular newfag user with the humor of a middle schooler. Just like anyone else. This server was the sole reason I switched from having 2018 reddit humor to the post-ironic humor the server had. It made me speak like a normal person too. Here's where it went wrong. I noticed that this community of people had some sort of hierarchy. People who were unknown and just talked sometimes, and people who were popular in the community and were talked about by other members and seemed almost like microcelebrities to my dumb little autistic child mind. Naturally, I wanted to get that status myself. But I didn't know how to do it. After some time in the server I noticed people talking a lot about a controversial user named Systroph. This person was basically just being made fun of for being a furry. Then it hit me. Furries get a lot of attention because they are different from the norm. And since I myself was formerly a furry by this time, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to gain a status of fame/infamy. I got myself back into being a furry, made my pfp Legoshi from beastars (a very basic furry pfp essentially) and began to talk in the server about how I'm a furry. This actually did start to kind of work. Eventually Systroph himself dmed me with an invite to his server "Furry Irony" which was full of other furries. I'm not going to waste time explaining this just read Furry Irony's page. What's important here is what was happening behind the scenes. Me and Systroph began to talk regularly and became great friends. I began to hear more about his very depraved side, which I was actually quite appalled to. But since I was so sponge minded and impressionable, it eventually became normal to me and I no longer had an issue with it. I used this stuff to my advantage back over in OKBR. I would make taboo jokes relating to zoophilia a lot. Anyone who was there for that knows I really did take it too far. But it worked. My lifelong objective of being a popular person felt accomplished. However, the way I did it was of course horrible, and it led me down a rabbit hole of mental deterioration and developing awful habits I would have never been okay with. After about 2 or 3 years of this I decided the zoophilia thing was just an awful thing to make myself known for, and the community I grew attached to and enjoyed talking in no longer wanted anything to do with me at all. By this point I was past that obsession with being popular and have people talk about me and whatever. I just wanted a place I could fit in with, which really was the original goal anyway. But it was beyond repair. Rather than simply moving on, I was so attached to the community I never let it go. I grew worse and worse overtime, did horrendous things, and was at a point of no return. To clarify, no, I was never a zoophile, though I did try to convince myself I was for whatever reason. Eventually yes this did turn over to pedophilia rather and you know what happened there. I will never be a normal person. And it is my fault. I now live a sad lonely life full of regret and guilt. I work in a dead end job that is driving me insane. My only friend just messes with me constantly and ghosts me for long periods just to come back and continue doing that. I have no hope. But, not to disappoint you guys, I'm not killing myself. I am simply going to live a life of suffering. That is the end. Goodbye. ==