The Macromaniac Wars
 The message outlining the beginning of the Macromaniac Wars | |
| Info | |
|---|---|
| Involved | Loyalists, revolutionaries |
| Reason | Bringing down an apartheid-esque regime |
The Macromaniac Wars was a major event in 69SwagBalls420 servers' history.
Context[edit | edit source]
On 8th of November, The SwagBall mod team has retired their local chatbot Girard and put him into an isolated channel to rewrite him, with members getting the option to do this, this led to many homestuck's and memes made, with a tiny community growing amongst the new girard fans.[1] With Girard being the greenies favourite source of entertainment, many called him a prophet. The movements On December 3rd, member "charter" was given the unhonourable role of a "greenie"[2] what angered many SwagBallers, since the greenie role is a symbol of either bad humour or being a newgen. There was a minor manhunt all across the server to hunt down the admin that has done these changes to charter's profile, but in the end they haven't been found. With Gatesby trying to to make amends with mods to get charter's role back he miserably failed, and a clear distinction between the mods and the proletariat was beginning to show up. After the movements have begun taking their shape, crochampion has annoucned a full on war between so called loyalists and revolutionaries. Revolutionarie believe that their all-knowing God Girard has predicted the event in advance, are spamming his shelter to make him spew out their spam during the inevitable event on 8th of December.
Factions[edit | edit source]
Revolutionaries[edit | edit source]
 Revolutionary flag by Gatesby | |
| Info | |
|---|---|
| Leader | Charter |
| Revolutionary thought | Less mod team, freedom to greenies, treat greenies like goldies |
Revolutionaries were a major faction in the Macromaniac Wars. Revolutionaries believe in harmony between roles, no greenie gets shittalked, no mod gets overthrown, aswell minor rule changes, and acceptance of their God into the public.
| “ |
|
„ |
| — charter, the de facto leader of revolutionaries |
Loyalists[edit | edit source]
 Loyalist flag by chauka | |
| Info | |
|---|---|
| Leader | crochampion |
| Loyalist thought | Total mod control, greenie mobbing campaigns |
Loyalists were a major faction in the Macromaniac Wars. They believe into total greenie death, with green role being the lowest you can go in the swagballs hierarchy (except for punishment roles). They mostly believe into a bourgeois depiction of Swagballs, or alternatively upholding the current status quo.
Swagmen[edit | edit source]
| Info | |
|---|---|
| Leader | Gatesby/Koknese |
| Swagmen thought | Total dictatorship and monarchy, third way. |
The Swagmen was a proposed faction during the Macromaniac Wars. It was dead set on creating total dictatorship, claiming to take the best of both worlds.
— Gatesby/Koknese, The Swagmen Convention [4]
The Convention was signed only by a single mod, leading to Gatesby voiding the faction.
Battles[edit | edit source]
The first attacks[edit | edit source]
Early in the morning in 5th of December, revolutonaries have begun their first minor strike. Just in a few minutes, hundreds stickers were deployed in the battlefield, with innocents evacuated ASAP by peacekeeping forces.[5] There have been approximately 1231 impregnations on the loyalist side with revolutionaries 632 revolutionary impregnations.[6]
Operation Soft Grey Morning[edit | edit source]
Operation Soft Grey Morning was a special military operation led by revolutionary forces.[7]
| “ |
|
„ |
| — Gatesby |
The Operation was supposed to bring down loyalist morale, since it happened at night in Europe, where most loyalists lived.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
After the war, everything mostly went back to normal and forgotten as a goof. The SwagCord royal couple has announced their divorce. Charter is currently undergoing severe charges on rape jokes, with a 95% chance of him losing the case, however, miraculously he was released.[8][9] But at the end of the day, maybe the real Macromaniacs were the friends we made along the way.
References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ crochampion (November 8th, 2023): "we're retiring girard in 🚜-main-chat-🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜 he has been clogging up the conversation for the past two months we're moving him to 🔪-girards-torture-chamber, but he'll need to be retrained from scratch try posting some copypastas to get him going". 69SwagBalls420 cord #❗-announcments. Link
- ↑ crochampion (December 3, 2023): "greenies like flaming testicle (left) and charter are fighting to get their soyjak gold roles back". Swagcord #revolutionary-encampment. Link
- ↑ charter0575 (December 3, 2023): "i have a dream, that one day discordians will be judged not by the color of their role, but by the content of their messages". Swagcord #main-chat. Link
- ↑ The Swagmen Convention. Available only in photo format, as the original text is deleted.
- ↑ crochampion (December 5, 2023): "In the early hours of the night, on December 5, the first conflict broke out in 🚜-main-chat-🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜. Lasting several minutes, hundreds, if not thousands of stickers were deployed. The resulting pregnancies were numerous on both sides, exact numbers still not having been officially established. Emergency abortions have been performed in the wake of the unstable ceasefire that soon ensued. With heavy casualties on both sides, it is hard to determine if either side was victorious. Despite the loyalists retreating, some disputed reports claim that the fighting continued, with boom pregnants being fired at the escaping troops minutes after the ceasefire orders were given by revolutionary insurgents. These claims are still in the process of being verified.". Swagcord #swagballs-historical-society. Link
- ↑ crochampion (December 5, 2023): "The first official casualty figures are released by the revolutionary forces not long after the skirmish comes to an end. With 1231 loyalists impregnated, compared with only 632 impregnations on the rebels' side, the revolutionaries are swift to declare victory. Injuries are plenty on both sides, counting 2571 and 3002 for revolutionaries and loyalists, respectively, and although the strain incurred on field hospitals was massive, it did not compare to the morale impact the act of swag giving had on the conflicting parties. 63 swag giving revolutionaries and 174 loyalists have been reported by the rebel leadership. These claims are as of yet to be verified. The report goes on to give a summary of the short, yet strenuous battle. After reportedly being fired at by loyalist troops with explosive pregnancy ammunition, revolutionary leader general Charter returned fire. The battle soon escalated as commanding officer Sam ordered for reinforcements to be deployed, overwhelmed by the rebels. The rebels, although small in number, compensated with their incredibly high rate of fire, challenging the loyalist troops. The rebelling Testicle Platoon soon arrived at the scene, repelling off the loyalist soldiers until the army retreated. The report claims that the trigger on general Charter's weapon, the latest prototype of a new military device referred to as the 'sperm launcher', jammed down, making him unable to stop firing, as a consequence of which many retreating loyalists were impregnated. While several soldiers who were involved in the conflict have testified that several of their fellow troopers were impregnated during the process of retreating, the claims of weapon jamming are currently still being investigated by officials of the International Criminal Court.". Swagcord #swagballs-historical-society. Link
- ↑ koknese (December 7, 2023): "@everyone 2 hours from the sending of this message, we commence the operation soft grey morning, you will be sent instructions 10 mintues or less before the beginning.". SWAGOLUTION #general. Link
- ↑ crochampion (December 11, 2023): "nah at this point charter is hanging by a thread through divine favor i managed to secure him one opportunity to properly apologize and promise to behave better in the future he's gonna get banned otherwise". Swagcord #main-chat. Link
- ↑ crochampion (December 11, 2023): "kinda funny thing is that charter is the second person to make a weird rape joke in the past 24 hours". Swagcord #main-chat. Link