Translations:Holy Gondal Empire/34/en

For the first event of Holy Gondal Empire as we know it, Gondalian Administration decided to start big. It was to be a sort of gladiatorial battle for reintegration into Gondal, a vc battle for the very right to live. In one corner you had Patryk Kornatowski, a verifiable juggernaut, weighing in at over 372 pounds and perhaps one of, if not the, greatest lolcow in irony history. Arrested for uncountable crimes, including drinking his own bodily fluids, covering himself in shit, attempting to dox several high ranking members, and having a questionable presence with sexual content featuring underage characters. In the other corner is the Las Vegas native and elder Gondalian Standpissing, a formerly highly influential man involved in many of the greatest Irony servers and Irony movements. He is held on trial for explaining Gondal lore to his IRL crush, hanging out with trannies, and worst of all just generally being annoying as shit. The two had feuded in the past, Standpissing having been involved with an 8chan hacker who threatened Patryk's life and home address. This was more personal. On the day of the 15th, Patryk had developed a habit of muting everyone else in the vc and just talking to himself, something that proved detrimental during the battle. When Standpissing arrived, Patryk was already distressed, making Standpissing's job very easy. Due to everyone being muted by the contestants the best way to communicate with them was through spamming general chat, causing it to look closer to a Twitch chat than a conversation. The turnout was good, around 15 or so people arrived and multiple were recording the event. Patryk was up against the ropes for the majority of the match. He had muted himself and would just sit there as Standpissing racked up "points" and occasionally attempted to reason with him. Patryk would only unmute to spout lines either given to him by Heckknok or taken from the spammed general chat. Multiple times Patryk would receive very important tips and tricks from the adoring crowd such as Standpissing's many home addresses including local Sears, Taco Bell, and IHOP locations, they also helped Patryk avoid 8chan hacking attacks by turning his camera on and unmuting. Despite these efforts, the villainous and evil Standpissing still had the clear lead. It took a 3rd quarter pep talk from Cliff Burkett to inform Patryk of his upcoming loss and to remind him of the stakes of the situation to get our good ol' Autistic King to kick into hyper drive. What happened next was beyond description. Patryk turned on his camera, took off his shirt, donned his Iconic V for Vendetta mask, and began to shake his large drooping breasts for all to see. This clearly blew Standpissing out of the water and he had no hope of recovering. Somehow, Patryk had done it, to the applause of all of his adoring fans in the server, and Standpissing was vanquished forever. All of this footage exists somewhere and Everr is supposed to have edited by now. Please harass Everr until his video is done.