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== Kill niggers. Behead niggers. Roundhouse kick a nigger into the concrete. Slam dunk a nigger baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy blacks. Defecate in a niggers food. Launch niggers into the sun. Stir fry niggers in a wok. Toss niggers into active volcanoes. Urinate into a niggers gas tank. Judo throw niggers into a wood chipper. Twist niggers heads off. Report niggers to the IRS. Karate chop niggers in half. Curb stomp pregnant black niggers. Trap niggers in quicksand. Crush niggers in the trash compactor. Liquefy niggers in a vat of acid. Eat niggers. Dissect niggers. Exterminate niggers in the gas chamber. Stomp nigger skulls with steel toed boots. Cremate niggers in the oven. Lobotomize niggers. Mandatory abortions for niggers. Grind nigger fetuses in the garbage disposal. Drown niggers in fried chicken grease. Vaporize niggers with a ray gun. Kick old niggers down the stairs. Feed niggers to alligators. Slice niggers with a katana. Put a bomb in a nigger's mouth. Throw knives at niggers. Inflate niggers until they pop. Send niggers into a blackhole. Castrate niggers. Feed niggers poisoned food. Force niggers to walk the plank. Push niggers into a pit. Kneel on a nigger's neck. Curse niggers with a spell. Stuff nigger babies into the washing machine and turn it on. Flatten niggers with a tank. Pop a nigger's car tire. Strike nigger children with a ruler. Make niggers swim in the Mariana Trench. Cut off a nigger's limbs. Airdrop niggers into Antarctica. Throw niggers off the boat. Pressurize niggers into fine crystals. Light fireworks in a nigger's ass. Falcon-punch a nigger in the face. Make niggers into fiction. Blow niggers heads off with grenade launchers. Blow niggers brains open with a sniper rifle. Lock niggers in a cage and drown them underwater. Nail niggers to a cross and stab them. Run over niggers with a tank feet-first. Crush niggers with a press. Attack niggers with acid. Boil niggers in a pan. Lock niggers inside a brazen bull. Burn niggers alive. Drag niggers across a wall of spikes. Pour molten lava on niggers. Quarter niggers. Impale niggers on a pike. Tenderize niggers with a mallet. Ionise niggers in a mass spectrometer. Irradiate niggers in a nuclear reactor. Spaghettify niggers in a black hole. Curse niggers with the necronomicon. Trap niggers in purgatory. Bang a niggers testicles with a spiked bat. Throw niggers off a twelve story building. Freeze dry niggers in the vacuum of space. Fry niggers with power lines. Feed niggers ricin. Kneecap a nigger with a twelve gauge. Re enslave niggers. Sell niggers organs on the black market. Run niggers over with an eighteen wheeler. Throw niggers into the grand canyon. Burn niggers with jet engine exhaust. Beat niggers to death with a tire iron. Cauterise a niggers asshole with a blowtorch. Sacrifice niggers to the sun god. Drop niggers out of a plane at fourty thousand feet. Feed niggers to sharks. Load a nigger into a cannon and shoot the nigger at a concrete wall. Keel Haul niggers under a galleon. Disembowel niggers with a bayonet. Strap a nigger to a cruise missile and launch it at a nigger neighbourhood. Drop niggers into chernobyl reactor building number 4. Hang, draw, and quarter niggers. Lure niggers in with fried chicken and trap them with bear traps. Force a nigger to learn calculus, then kill the nigger anyway. Atomize niggers with a powerfist. Throw niggers into vats full of FEV virus. Choke niggers with barbed wire. Throw pianos at niggers from 40-story buildings. Throw niggers at pianos from 40-story buildings. Deep-freeze niggers in liquid nitrogen then shatter them with a hammer. Tie niggers to ICBMs then fire them at Israel. Shoot niggers with syringe guns. Defecate on nigger food stamps. Make niggers pay child support in blood. Build a newton cannon and fire niggers into the orbit. Put advertisement posters on niggers then nail them to their bodies with a hammer. Irradiate niggers with depleted uranium. Launch a nigger with a trebuchet. Send a nigger exploring titanic in a cheap submarine. Use a nigger as a crash test dummy. Tie niggers onto growing bamboo shoots. Film an entire jackass movie on a nigger. Trample niggers. Bury niggers alive. Play bowling with niggers heads as pins. Grate niggers with a cheese grater. Get niggers stuck in an elevator. Spray a niggers toilet paper with poison ivy. Shoot a nigger directly with the Gustav gun. Sabotage a niggers parachute. Sabotage a niggers bungee. Trap a nigger under ice. Force a nigger to work and support a family of 5. Force niggers into gladiatorial combat. Send niggers back to warring African tribes. Hide a snake in a niggers room. Put niggers on a hot air balloon with low gas. Harvest a niggers organs. Waterboard niggers with gasoline, then set them on fire. Flay niggers. Tie niggers to train tracks. Put laxatives in their koolaid. Recreate mortal kombat fatalities on niggers. Gibbet niggers. Tie a lightning rod to a niggers head during a storm. Lure niggers into suicide pods. Bury niggers neck deep and surround them with scorpions. Clear a mine field by sending niggers to it. Stir niggers into cement. Squeeze niggers through a chain link fence. Hack niggers socials and make them say they have irrefutable evidence that would lead to Hillary's arrest. Perform adorcism on a nigger. Microwave a niggers head. Suck a nigger into pool drainage ass first. Pour nitroglycerin inside a niggers basketball. Inject ebola in its food. Put a chubby nigger in a tribe of cannibals. Pressure wash niggers black skin. Play games with niggers jigsaw style. Trim a niggers nose hairs with a lawn mower. Strap a nigger to a wind turbine blade. Flatten a nigger in an industrial rolling machine. Turn a niggers bones into furniture. Make minced meat out of a nigger and serve nigga patties to other niggers. Feed a nigger viagra and put an activated sawblade in front of its dick. Disguise a thermally activated lightsaber as a niggers dildo. Stone niggers. Tranquilize niggers and put them in lion pits. Make a subhuman centipede from niggers. Throw a nigger down a well. Prescribe incorrect medication to niggers. Pimp-slap niggers into airplane turbines. Displace niggers in a predicted meteoroid contact area. Gift a nigger a lethal dose of fentanyl. Put dog collars on niggers at maximum voltage. Give niggers sentient brain parasites. Give niggers over to aliens in area 51 to be probed. Leave niggers out for vultures. Drive a nigger into a tornado with a remote controlled vehicle. Do freaky voodoo on a nigger. Strap niggers on a roller-coaster and use them as target practice. Strap niggers to a judas cradle. Blast niggers with Civil War cannons. Crucify filthy niggers. Whip niggers into obedience. Slingshot a nigger into orbit. Rocket niggers into the sun. Stir-fry niggers in a wok. Bite a nigger and drink their blood. Urinate into a nigger's gas tank. Judo throw niggers into the wood chipper. Unscrew a nigger's head off. Bake niggers into nigger-pizza. Arrest niggers for no reason. Electrocute niggers. Curb stomp pregnant niggers. Beat a nigger up. Slice a nigger up and wear their skin. Set niggers on fire. Spin niggers around until they puke. Tie niggers to a train track. Karate kick a nigger in the testicles. Stomp nigger skulls with steel-toed boots. Broil niggers into a broth. Deep fry niggers. Fourth-trimester abortions for niggers. Blend niggers in a blender. Snap a nigger's neck. Throw niggers off buildings. Send aliens to abduct niggers. Force niggers to ride the euthanasia coaster. Crush niggers with anvils. Throw niggers off of rooftops. Incinerate niggers. Starve niggers. Blow niggers up with dynamite. Gulp niggers. Feast on nigger eyeballs. Cave in a nigger's skull. Kiss a nigger to death. Peel a nigger like a banana. Wipe out nigger tribes. Deny niggers into Heaven. Freeze niggers in the vaccum of space. Hard boil a nigger. Lock on to niggers with a harpoon. Cryodesiccate a nigger. Ferment niggers into stew. Ensnare niggers. Nark on niggers to the army. Cause a total nigger purge. Jam a nigger into a geyser. Axe murder a nigger. Unleash Smelvin upon niggers. Put niggers on ships going to Africa and blow up the ships after they set sail. Total nigger death. ==
Hans is a Gondalian-Kevinian politician, Famous Media Personality, tycoonist, and ex-dreamsexual, who came to relevance during [[Gondal: From The Ashes]] and [[Holy Gondal Empire]], but was in both the original [[Kevinia]] and [[Gondal|Summer Gondal]]. He served in most roles of the Gondalian government in [[Gondal: From The Ashes|G:FTA,]] famously accepting the role as President of the server after the Trollmaster coup to implement more accepting policies. He also used to be a prominent member of [[r/dreamgender]] and [[Dreamsexuals United]] until both servers were eventually nuked. {{Infobox user
<div style="top: 0px; left: 0px; position: fixed; float: left;">
| name = Hans
== [[File:Goatse.jpg|link=]] ==
| image = Hans.webp
</div><div style="top: 0px; left: 0px; position: fixed; float: left;">
| caption = Artist is Mezmacko on Tumblr
== [[File:Cobson.png|link=]] ==
| discordtag = xcriticalhans
</div>
| discordid = 855711345235197952
| servers = [[Holy Gondal Empire]], [[Gondal: From The Ashes]], [[Kevinia]], [[NBA ALL STARS]] (formerly), [[Hans Tank Brigade]] (formerly), [[Red Cup Conspiracy]],
[[r/dreamgender]] (formerly), [[Dreamsexuals United]] (formerly)
| redditname = u/MrWoozieHans
| othernames = xCriticalHans, CriticalHans, Prime Minister of Kevinia, Dreamgender Supersoldier
| age = 19
| gender = Male
| steam = https://steamcommunity.com/id/criticalhans/
}}
 
== The Beginning (April - July 2021) ==
After getting out of a long-term relationship, Hans was looking to expand his social circle and find other people who shared common interests with him. He joined multiple small servers to find new people to hang out with, but it never truly clicked. Eventually, he would come across a certain individual named [[Everr]], with whom he formed a close bond after meeting him off of the Yggdrasil bot's userphone feature. Together, they trolled in and messed with a server filled with 14-year-olds who were all in some sort of uncanny polygamous relationship with each other. Hans also decided to invite one of his own friends that had a nuke bot to that server in hopes of getting it deleted for their weird behavior. His friend would go on to nuke the entire server by deleting and making new channels that were all called "bhops-in-and-cums". Throughout the chaos, he also met Lily, who was affiliated with the Gondal lore, and invited him to [[Gondal|Summer Gondal]]. Although Hans never really talked in Gondal servers, he would still play a small part in each one until he participated in a bigger role during [[Gondal: From The Ashes]].  
 
=== NBA ALL STARS ===
Originally intended to be a private server between his irl friends, Hans would end up inviting [[Everr]] and some of his new friends that he met off of [[Gondal|Summer Gondal]] and [[r/dreamgender]] to the server for it to become more active. The server would undergo various changes, including making themes for the server by changing the icon & name of the server, renaming everyone to fit the theme, and inviting new bots that seemed interesting and appealing to server members. Although the server would go by many names, most people recognize it as "NBA ALL STARS" because of it being basketball-themed and everyone being named after the [https://www.nba.com/news/history-nba-legends NBA's greatest players of all time] . On October 15th, 2021, Hans's account was deleted by Discord, meaning that the server lost its ownership since he was unable to transfer it to his alt account, and had to be archived.
 
=== Hans Tank Brigade ===
Since Hans lost his ownership to NBA ALL STARS, he decided to create a new server called "Hans Tank Brigade" in order to give his friends a new place to talk in. Not many significant things happened, however the main attraction of the server was a fun currency bot called "TacoBot" that many members would enjoy using. Conflict would soon arise after Hans offered to give people owner if they invited more people since the server started dying. This would backfire though, because many members started arguing with each other and begging Hans to give them owner. Most of the channels would then get deleted by Lily since she had admin perms and was mad that Hans wouldn't let her ban people. The server was then archived as a result, and many of his friends decided to stick with talking in group chats instead, leading to the creation of Hans GC a few months later.
 
== r/dreamgender (July - December 2021) ==
For context, being a [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/dreamsexual-dreamgender dreamsexual/dreamgender] is a [[wikipedia:Satire|satirical]] sexuality and gender where people show their love and desire for the popular ''[[wikipedia:Minecraft|Minecraft]]'' YouTuber ''[[wikipedia:Dream_(YouTuber)|Dream]].'' This was during a time where many people were obsessed with watching Dream's content that stans would go out of their way to devote their entire lives to him. There has also been controversies surrounding this fake sexuality where it has been considered offensive to the LGBTQ+ community. This is not Hans' intention though, because all he wanted to do was troll people into believing he was extremely obsessed with ''[[wikipedia:Dream_(YouTuber)|Dream]]'', despite never actually watching any of his videos.
[[File:Dreamgender server.jpg|thumb|350x350px|r/dreamgender in it's former glory days]]
 
=== Joining r/dreamgender ===
When Hans first joined the server, he couldn't tell if the people there were being ironic or not. To test the waters, he started talking about how [[wikipedia:Dream_(YouTuber)|''Dream'']] is the best speed runner ever and that he would "do anything to meet with him." To his surprise, most members, and even some of the staff members, started agreeing with what Hans was saying and then proceeded to share their [[wikipedia:Satire|satirical]] fantasies about the popular YouTuber. Hans felt like he fit right in with this server, so he started baiting new people that would join the server into believing he was just some kid that was weirdly obsessed with [[wikipedia:Dream_(YouTuber)|''Dream'']]. Those who couldn't sense the [[wikipedia:Satire|satire]] took the bait, got enraged by what Hans was saying, and ended up being ridiculed by him, which is what Hans believed to be the start of his irony career. He would go on to meet several other individuals from this server, such as Dakota, Piro, [[Mikanyal]], NuIlified, Invalid, and many more.
 
=== The Death of Hans' Original Account ===
On the night of September 14th, 2021, Hans and his great pal NuIlified were pretending that they were 9 years old ''as a joke'' to mess with people that despised ''[[wikipedia:Dream_(YouTuber)|Dream]]''. One such user that went by the name "Symp" was having enough of their mischief by calling them a bunch of nazis and started to argue with both of them. He would then report their messages that stated they were underage to [https://discord.fandom.com/wiki/Trust_and_Safety Discord's Trust & Safety Team] because Hans and NuIlified were completely unaware that it was against [https://discord.com/terms Discord's ToS]. The next morning, both of them woke up to find out their accounts were disabled. Although Discord would not give NuIlified a reason to why his account was disabled, Hans would receive an email that stated nobody under the age of 13 was allowed on the platform, despite Hans being 16 years old at the time. He proceeded to send an appeal to verify that he isn't underage, but it seemed to have gone nowhere since Discord never sent a response back. A month passed with no word from Discord and his account, alongside NuIlified's account, would be deleted, which would also soft lock him out his own server "NBA ALL STARS" since he no longer had ownership. Hans would then move to his alt account and call it his main from now on. REST IN PEACE Hans#6596 (September 1st, 2017 - October 15th, 2021).
 
=== The YouTube Video Incident ===
Hans and his friends (NuIlified, Dakota, and Lily) were having a normal conversation with each other in the server until two new members joined, "tommysmp" and "Ranboomylove <3". They initially appeared to be typical trolls, exhibiting common [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/dreamsexual-dreamgender dreamsexual/dreamgender] behaviors such as one of them asking, "Who do you guys stan??" Unfortunately they wouldn't go too far as they ended up getting muted by an automod for saying "tommyinnit", which was one of the blacklisted words in the server. Hans and the others didn't really think anything of what just happened and went back to talking to each other. A month later, one of the server members would inform Dakota that there was ANOTHER YouTube video made about the server. As it turns out, the people behind the two mysterious accounts would be a semi-famous Australian YouTuber known as ''[https://www.youtube.com/@GliderGuy/ Glider Guy]'' and his friend [https://www.youtube.com/@Dacept ''Dacept'']. They made a collaboration video together titled, "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNe_-qYGePc&t=145s I Went UNDERCOVER In A Dream Stan Discord Server And Got Banned...]" to infiltrate multiple [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/dreamsexual-dreamgender dreamsexual/dreamgender] servers while disguised as [[wikipedia:Dream_(YouTuber)|''Dream'']] stans to see what the people in those servers were like. The video would gain almost 2 million views and 87k+ likes, making it ''[https://www.youtube.com/@GliderGuy Glider Guy]''<nowiki/>'s third most popular video on his channel. Hans would be featured in their video under the alias "Dreamgender Supersoldier" and was featured from 3:15 to 5:07.
 
== Gondal: From The Ashes (April - June 2024) ==
Hans joined [[Gondal: From The Ashes]] from his friend Trollmaster through Hans GC, being the first Kevinian to do so around the time many new people joined the server. Although Hans held the position of vice president during Trollmaster's presidency, he would eventually become the president after Trollmaster was couped and voted out by the Gondalian council, with [[Everr]] serving as his vice president. Hans was also the leader of the Gondalian Nationalist Party (GNP), where he implemented policies such as Gondalian equal rights, monitoring of Gondalian politicans, bot/AI rights, Gondalian Imperialism, and strict newgen immigration. He also pledged to find many inspirational ways for [[Gondal: From The Ashes]] to increase it's member count and to make the server more active.
[[Category:Users]]
[[Category:Gondal]]

Revision as of 00:35, 17 October 2024

Hans is a Gondalian-Kevinian politician, Famous Media Personality, tycoonist, and ex-dreamsexual, who came to relevance during Gondal: From The Ashes and Holy Gondal Empire, but was in both the original Kevinia and Summer Gondal. He served in most roles of the Gondalian government in G:FTA, famously accepting the role as President of the server after the Trollmaster coup to implement more accepting policies. He also used to be a prominent member of r/dreamgender and Dreamsexuals United until both servers were eventually nuked.

Hans
Artist is Mezmacko on Tumblr
User info
Discord tagxcriticalhans
Discord ID855711345235197952
ServersHoly Gondal Empire, Gondal: From The Ashes, Kevinia, NBA ALL STARS (formerly), Hans Tank Brigade (formerly), Red Cup Conspiracy, r/dreamgender (formerly), Dreamsexuals United (formerly)
Reddit nameu/MrWoozieHans
Also known asxCriticalHans, CriticalHans, Prime Minister of Kevinia, Dreamgender Supersoldier
IRL info
Age19
GenderMale
Gaming
Steamhttps://steamcommunity.com/id/criticalhans/

The Beginning (April - July 2021)

After getting out of a long-term relationship, Hans was looking to expand his social circle and find other people who shared common interests with him. He joined multiple small servers to find new people to hang out with, but it never truly clicked. Eventually, he would come across a certain individual named Everr, with whom he formed a close bond after meeting him off of the Yggdrasil bot's userphone feature. Together, they trolled in and messed with a server filled with 14-year-olds who were all in some sort of uncanny polygamous relationship with each other. Hans also decided to invite one of his own friends that had a nuke bot to that server in hopes of getting it deleted for their weird behavior. His friend would go on to nuke the entire server by deleting and making new channels that were all called "bhops-in-and-cums". Throughout the chaos, he also met Lily, who was affiliated with the Gondal lore, and invited him to Summer Gondal. Although Hans never really talked in Gondal servers, he would still play a small part in each one until he participated in a bigger role during Gondal: From The Ashes.

NBA ALL STARS

Originally intended to be a private server between his irl friends, Hans would end up inviting Everr and some of his new friends that he met off of Summer Gondal and r/dreamgender to the server for it to become more active. The server would undergo various changes, including making themes for the server by changing the icon & name of the server, renaming everyone to fit the theme, and inviting new bots that seemed interesting and appealing to server members. Although the server would go by many names, most people recognize it as "NBA ALL STARS" because of it being basketball-themed and everyone being named after the NBA's greatest players of all time . On October 15th, 2021, Hans's account was deleted by Discord, meaning that the server lost its ownership since he was unable to transfer it to his alt account, and had to be archived.

Hans Tank Brigade

Since Hans lost his ownership to NBA ALL STARS, he decided to create a new server called "Hans Tank Brigade" in order to give his friends a new place to talk in. Not many significant things happened, however the main attraction of the server was a fun currency bot called "TacoBot" that many members would enjoy using. Conflict would soon arise after Hans offered to give people owner if they invited more people since the server started dying. This would backfire though, because many members started arguing with each other and begging Hans to give them owner. Most of the channels would then get deleted by Lily since she had admin perms and was mad that Hans wouldn't let her ban people. The server was then archived as a result, and many of his friends decided to stick with talking in group chats instead, leading to the creation of Hans GC a few months later.

r/dreamgender (July - December 2021)

For context, being a dreamsexual/dreamgender is a satirical sexuality and gender where people show their love and desire for the popular Minecraft YouTuber Dream. This was during a time where many people were obsessed with watching Dream's content that stans would go out of their way to devote their entire lives to him. There has also been controversies surrounding this fake sexuality where it has been considered offensive to the LGBTQ+ community. This is not Hans' intention though, because all he wanted to do was troll people into believing he was extremely obsessed with Dream, despite never actually watching any of his videos.

r/dreamgender in it's former glory days

Joining r/dreamgender

When Hans first joined the server, he couldn't tell if the people there were being ironic or not. To test the waters, he started talking about how Dream is the best speed runner ever and that he would "do anything to meet with him." To his surprise, most members, and even some of the staff members, started agreeing with what Hans was saying and then proceeded to share their satirical fantasies about the popular YouTuber. Hans felt like he fit right in with this server, so he started baiting new people that would join the server into believing he was just some kid that was weirdly obsessed with Dream. Those who couldn't sense the satire took the bait, got enraged by what Hans was saying, and ended up being ridiculed by him, which is what Hans believed to be the start of his irony career. He would go on to meet several other individuals from this server, such as Dakota, Piro, Mikanyal, NuIlified, Invalid, and many more.

The Death of Hans' Original Account

On the night of September 14th, 2021, Hans and his great pal NuIlified were pretending that they were 9 years old as a joke to mess with people that despised Dream. One such user that went by the name "Symp" was having enough of their mischief by calling them a bunch of nazis and started to argue with both of them. He would then report their messages that stated they were underage to Discord's Trust & Safety Team because Hans and NuIlified were completely unaware that it was against Discord's ToS. The next morning, both of them woke up to find out their accounts were disabled. Although Discord would not give NuIlified a reason to why his account was disabled, Hans would receive an email that stated nobody under the age of 13 was allowed on the platform, despite Hans being 16 years old at the time. He proceeded to send an appeal to verify that he isn't underage, but it seemed to have gone nowhere since Discord never sent a response back. A month passed with no word from Discord and his account, alongside NuIlified's account, would be deleted, which would also soft lock him out his own server "NBA ALL STARS" since he no longer had ownership. Hans would then move to his alt account and call it his main from now on. REST IN PEACE Hans#6596 (September 1st, 2017 - October 15th, 2021).

The YouTube Video Incident

Hans and his friends (NuIlified, Dakota, and Lily) were having a normal conversation with each other in the server until two new members joined, "tommysmp" and "Ranboomylove <3". They initially appeared to be typical trolls, exhibiting common dreamsexual/dreamgender behaviors such as one of them asking, "Who do you guys stan??" Unfortunately they wouldn't go too far as they ended up getting muted by an automod for saying "tommyinnit", which was one of the blacklisted words in the server. Hans and the others didn't really think anything of what just happened and went back to talking to each other. A month later, one of the server members would inform Dakota that there was ANOTHER YouTube video made about the server. As it turns out, the people behind the two mysterious accounts would be a semi-famous Australian YouTuber known as Glider Guy and his friend Dacept. They made a collaboration video together titled, "I Went UNDERCOVER In A Dream Stan Discord Server And Got Banned..." to infiltrate multiple dreamsexual/dreamgender servers while disguised as Dream stans to see what the people in those servers were like. The video would gain almost 2 million views and 87k+ likes, making it Glider Guy's third most popular video on his channel. Hans would be featured in their video under the alias "Dreamgender Supersoldier" and was featured from 3:15 to 5:07.

Gondal: From The Ashes (April - June 2024)

Hans joined Gondal: From The Ashes from his friend Trollmaster through Hans GC, being the first Kevinian to do so around the time many new people joined the server. Although Hans held the position of vice president during Trollmaster's presidency, he would eventually become the president after Trollmaster was couped and voted out by the Gondalian council, with Everr serving as his vice president. Hans was also the leader of the Gondalian Nationalist Party (GNP), where he implemented policies such as Gondalian equal rights, monitoring of Gondalian politicans, bot/AI rights, Gondalian Imperialism, and strict newgen immigration. He also pledged to find many inspirational ways for Gondal: From The Ashes to increase it's member count and to make the server more active.

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