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: This reactor powered all lights and equipment in the shittown labratories, and was designed and maintained by xBushia. She claims it was linked to the trollages, and must be kept fueled at all times or bad things would happen...
: This reactor powered all lights and equipment in the shittown labratories, and was designed and maintained by xBushia. She claims it was linked to the trollages, and must be kept fueled at all times or bad things would happen...
: The reactor is still active, but has been defused (mostly). Feel free to climb up the ladder to view the various redstone components in the system. </blockquote>
: The reactor is still active, but has been defused (mostly). Feel free to climb up the ladder to view the various redstone components in the system. </blockquote>
=== Spare Artifacts ===
Some artifacts were never properly implemented into the museum, and sat in the donation bins at the time of the server's retirement. These include:
===== Cum Journal =====
Written by ToddDaOne, and donated at an unknown point in time. The text is as follows:<blockquote>
: by ToddDaOne
: Copy of Original
;Journal of the CumKing
: By: ToddDaOne
;Feb/25/2021 Day 1
: NillyWilly just got banned and i was voted into being king of cumland. NillyWilly still thought that he had power over me and was trying to give my power to Carl. He later began doxing me with a picture of my forehead for no reason except to get back at me. My first order of business was to destroy the observatory tower he was forcing me to build when i obviously didnt want to. Then the 8 of us destoyed NillyWillys house. After that i added Henry and Turkeyy back to the Kingdon since they had just recently been kicked for showing people the war crimes that Nihlwi commited. We created a gravestone in the place where his old house was with Joe69's (Nyhlwis alt) confession letter.
;Feb/26/2021 Day 2
: The messages from NillyWilly continue. We created a new flag for cumland to try to distance ourselves from Nyhlwis rein. Also because the original looked very bad. Nilly continues to bully and lie about me on reddit which eventually gets him banned from there
;Feb/27/2021 Day 3
: Today i leraned that Rocks join back to the server i felt very happy about that as i was the main reason he was kicked from cumland. I immediately allied Rose Island (rocks town) into FCS. Well i attempted to anyway. Still dont know who the leader of FCS is. Today i was thinking of promoting turkey, henry, nad Carl to Co-leaders and making a sort of council. But Sudrex told me that i shouldn't do anything like that right now because Nihlwi might have mroe Alt accounts and could destroy cumland. Sundex created an official cumland museum. Which is nice since we have a lot of important documents that we have to handle. Including this one. Today i also started upgrading the FCS building.
;Feb/28/2021 Day 4
: Today is the day that i actually started this journal. So there may have been things i missed in the first 3 days. Anyway today i started creating the underground villager farm that Nyhlwi said i couldn't do. it feels really nice to be able to do whatever i want.
;Mar/1/2021 Day 5
: Today Cumland disbanded from FCS on account that the leader hasnt been on in a month. I also got added to the Okbc Museum as a diamond armor. Today i became the first outsider to ever visit Noccia.
;Mar/3/2021 Day 7
: Today Nilly Williamson join the discord server and immediatly got band. If he didnt act like such a dick all the time we would be easier on him. And he might Even get unbanned. Another thing is that a giant chunk glitch happened right infront of our base today and the mods wont by anything about it even though it's probably their fault.
;Mar/4/2021 Day 8
: Today a giant bedrock box appeared above our base. By using glitches we could see that there was a command block inside. We feared it had something to do with Nilly Williamson but that was just speculation.
;Mar/7/2021 Day 11
: Today we finally merged with hazbin hotel. Their portal has been on out land for so long and its actually how i found this place in the beginning. Anyway now we have a direct way into the nether and better yet a direct way to the Shopping district. AND we're currently building a store at the bottom of the hazbin hotel. I still need to get permission from kirby tho.
;Mar/9/2021 Day 13
: Today Nilly started messaging me on discord again. he said that he was sorry and that he messed up alot. Props to him for not blaming it on being bipolar and his past trauma. I do believe that he's bipolar tho, he acts very different sometimes.
;Mar/10/2021 Day 14
: I promised Nilly that if he ever got unbanned then i would make him the new king.
:Mar/15/2021 Day 19
: I've been thinking about leaving cumland for awhile now. I get bored easily and cant really commit to things. Anyway i do want to leave cumland. it was cool at first being able to build whatever but now i wnat to do other things like join noc or take ownership of hazbin hotel. i worked so hard on making the bottom part of hazbin hotel but now kirby left it and i can't claim it so i guess its just gone? I also regret promising nilly that he would be king cuz i have to wait for him to get back and i don't know how long that will be.
;Mar/16/2021 Day 20
: Noc let me in as a guest. I Can only use 4 chunks in the wild. Hopfully they'll let me i completely.
;Mar/18/2021 Day 22
: Final Day
: Today I finally left cumland. Mininam said they'll do another vote to see if i can come in. I passed my crown down to my second in command Carl_Benjamin who was supposed to be king originally. Another thing that happened today was that B0rbe spent about half an hour making me bee wings. Which was a really cool thing to do. (even though i now realize that bee wings are really bad).
;Mar/19/2021
: Post-CumKing
: Got accepted into Noc finally. I wanted to join noc when i first joined and i saw them talking about how cool the trans bee was. So duh i wanted to see it. But it was private. I hope everything goes good in cumland. And i hope that if nilly comes back, he'll be let back in.
: -------------
: Jesus christ i just wrote a book about being the king of a minecraft town called cumland, i need to start talking to girls
: - ToddDaOne, CumKing </blockquote>
===== NOC CONVENTIONS =====
A book written by Sotarnicus, donated at an unknown point in time. The text is as follows:<blockquote>
: by Sotarnicus
: Copy of a Copy
; >NOC CONVENTIONS<
: This book hereby details all of the Rules and Regulations for war against any person, city, or being. Any people caught breaking this strict ruleset will be raped and killed on sight.
; >CONVENTION ONE<
: Strictly NO items are to be used that have been spawned through commands or given by moderators. This includes enchantment values of insane strengths. This does not include Infernal Enchantments.
; >CONVENTION TWO<
: Any other Dimensions such as The Nether, The End, and subsequent End Islands are strictly SAFE ZONES. No PVP or griefing should be continued there unless a combatant travels through to exploit this rule.
; >CONVENTION THREE<
: No Admins/Operators are to use their admin rank during war. This includes summoning mobs to give advantages, going creative, giving people potion effects, and any other ways they may interfere with a clean fight.
; >CONVENTION FOUR<
: No INTENTIONAL griefing of any registered towns during War. Withers and Creepers are exceptions to this rule as the explosionst hey create are reversed within a short time frame.
; >CONVENTION FIVE<
: No Spawn-Killing/Camping of Combatants if they do not fight back after death. Once they bring out their sword or otherwise weapon you are permitted to kill them. If they surrender you should leave them alone.
; >CONVENTION SIX<
: Non-Combatants are to be ignored and not attacked while they are not participating in war. This includes travellers, Builders, Farmers, and otherwise people who do not have a weapon equipped.
; >CONVENTION SEVEN<
: Surrendering is achieved by writing "I SURRENDER" in all caps in chat, de-equipping your weapons, and crouching in place. Any attempt to surrender to someone to kill them is a War Crime and should be considered breaking these rules from pg. 1
; >CLOSING NOTES<
: Any attempt to abuse any found loophole in these rules with be met with rape and murder. If you break one, you break all of them. War is a fun thing to do when bored but breaking these will get you in deep shit.
; THIS STRICT GUIDELINE BOOK IS HEREBY SIGNED WITH AUTHORITY OF MAJOR MEMBERS OF THE SERVER
: Mayor Miniman, of Noc: nammy
: Sudrex. of The Museum: Ranger Sudrex
: Cumking Todd: Signed
: RocksX Rose Island: X
: xBushia, leader of The Final Order; SIgned
: Archduke Minerft of Floppa Herx: Signed
: SimplyFwox of Neko-Ville: thumbs up emoji
: Gooobert of Rock Botteom: I agree with some things, but dissagre with others
: M1sterL1cker of floppa herx: fuckstick
: DziadekMax of Noc/Hyperloop: Signed
: Sotarnicus of noc/the hyperloop: splink
: This is the first rendition of the Noc Conventions. Follow them or else risk getting raped, murdered, and your bloodline curse. </blockquote>
===== An Apolagy To =====
Written by RJ04 as an apology for sexist comments made toward player SimplyFwox, it is unknown when or how this original was donated to the museum.
<blockquote>
: by RJ04
: Original
: Dear SimplyFwox, Im so sorry for being sexist towards you, it just shocked me because I thought you were male and tbh I am not that good with women as you can tell. Anyways I hope you can forgive me and I understand if you can't </blockquote>
===== nnayton's Heads =====
Carnage from a newbie massacre, donated by Sotarnicus. The accompanying book details: <blockquote>
: by Sotarnicus
: Original
: Another Donation from Sotar
: This guy joined the other day and instantly took bosnia's beacon. I managed to kill him with a beheading sword 7 times. There are only 7 of these in existence and no more can be created by survival means as he was banned shortly after. I will donate 3 of these and keep the rest for personal collection </blockquote>
The remaining heads mentioned remain unrecovered.
===== fnafScatporn =====
Despite the terror this name instills, this document is actually a deed of a duel. Donated at an unknown time, the text reads: <blockquote>
: by xBushia
: Original
: 07.03.2021
: the grind vs creative battle
: dziadek_max challenges xBushia to a duel with the condition that he is allowed to use all his items and xBushia can gear up in vanilla creative. After 2:05m of fighting, xBushia died to an end crystal. </blockquote>
While seemingly unbelievable, Slimefun paired with Infernal Mobs' loot allowed players to reach virtual immortality, easily beating vanilla creative items.
===== FINAL MESSAGE =====
Purportedly the confession of one of Nihlwi's accomplices, it was donated at an unknown time. It reads:
<blockquote>
: by Joe_69_
: Original
: My username is Joe_69_
: Here's a list of crime i committed
: 1) Grief oregon 2
: I was the on who greif oregon 2 i did that because i heard Grant already moved the world files I thought it was real and i stop whatever i was building then i got very bored and decided to grief for fun.
: 2)Interfering with dreamsmp
: I interefered the dreamsmp i did 15 of the things ont he list. I thought It'll be funny if i build a massive cock statue and lava cast at dreamsmp
: 3) I built a lavacast at shittown
: I got bored and decided to build a lava cast at a shitty town
: 4) Hacks cilent
: i use hack cilent
: Please Ban Me.
: read page 4 and 5
: i know about the bosnia griefing thing it was nihlwi i feel guilty about RocksXiiX he did nothing and he got banned from the server i don't think he deserve it i have a screenshot that can proof nihlwi was the griefer and i sent it my griend and my friend sent it to an admin i hope you can consider not banning nihlwi
:
:
: sussy cummy amongus peter griffin </blockquote>
===== Noccia Contract =====
Likely dating to March 16, 2021 (ToddDaOne's journal), this document served as a travel visa and contract detailing the terms of Todd's temporary stay in Noccia. Donated at an unknown time, the text reads:
<blockquote>
: by ToddDaOne
: Copy of a Copy
: Noccia visitor visa contract
: between:
: the visitor:
: ToddDaOne
:
: representatives of Noccia:
: Mininam
: dziadek_max
:
: this contract allows ToddDaOne (further reffered to as todd) to visit the city of Noccia ont he day of signing. Todd is not allowed to:
: -relay coordinates to anyone else
: -claim land closer than 400m away from Noccia
: -take screenshots including coordinates
: Noccia will take in todd's personal trident and main chestplate as a security deposit to be returned after 3 days if none of the rules are broken by todd.
: In the event that any rules are broken, todd agrees that the security deposit remains in noccia and NOC members have tull permisison to kill Cumland citizens, destroy and loot Cumland with no legal repurcussions
: This contract is ratified by dziadek_max and Mininam. By signing, you (todd) agree to all the terms </blockquote>
===== To Krozeder =====
Serving as Gear15's letter of resignation, signalling the end of his stay in Bleachistan, one of krozeder's many towns he founded, to create what would become Rock Bottom with Gooobert. Donated at an unknown time, the text reads:
<blockquote>
: by Gear15
: Original
: Krozeder,
: First of all I would like to thank you for inviting me to your town when I first joined, giving me a spot to build, and giving me some iron. Although I like Bleachistan, I want some more space to build whatever I want, and my friends liked the idea of starting our own town. So when Gooobert said he was going to leave to start biknee botem 2, I decided to join him. I'll be moved out completely by March 5th. Anyways, thanks for letting me stay here, best of luck to your town, and I hope we can be allies.
: Bleachistan Forever </blockquote>
===== RJ04 Donation =====
A book and RJ04's player head, donated at an unknown time. The text reads: <blockquote>
: by Sotarnicus
: Copy of Original
: The head I donated is from a user known as RJ04. He is a notorious member from previous irony based minecraft servers known for using alts and being literally 9 years old. This head was taken during the Wither Swarm in biknee last night, march 7th. This head is priceless.
: Some funny moments we had with RJ04:
: We played ping pong with him using knockback 50 sticks
: Quote from RJ: "GO HAVE SEX WITH A BEAR"
: The RJ04 Box: An unidentifiable cube shaped box with screws on the bototm that we just called the "RJ04 Box: </blockquote>
===== Eyes? =====
<blockquote>
: by CallMeMemelord
: Original
: INSANE? Am I the only motherfucker with a brain?
: Im hearing voices but all they do is complain.
: How many times have you wanted to kill :)
: Everything and everyone, say you'll do it but never will :/
: Where is cali, in Marlon Brando's eyes
: Where is cali, in Marlon Brando's eyes
: Where is cali, in Marlon Brando's eyes
: I was told I was my father's a mystery a phantom even and that leaves me NOTHING!
: Where is cali, in Marlon Brando's eyes
: Where is cali, in Marlon Brando's eyes
: Where is cali, in Marlon Brando's eyes
: ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD
:
: ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD
: ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD
: i tried, you lied to me for so long.
: everywhere i go there's a sense of it
: freak on my antics and give me a choice
: doesn't matter if i give a shit it's shit that you give me.
: ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD
: ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD
: do you wanna feel pain:)
: takin my name in vain caring never felt so lame inside
: anybody else got pride? do you wanna take my life?
: maybe i'll reverse my ride :)
: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCK YOU
: better suck it up because you bled through:///
: better get away from me, better stay away from me
: LOOK ME IN MY BRAND NEW
:
:
:
:
: EYE
:
:
:
:
: LOOK ME IN MY BRAND NEW
:
:
:
:
: EYE
:
:
:
:
: LOOK ME IN MY BRAND NEW EYE
:
:
: MOTHERFUCKER </blockquote>
===== 1/25/2020 =====
A book by DoctorPenez, it was not placed in the ''Messages from Lost Moderators'' section because Sudrex is lazy. Donated by ProboMaster, the text reads: <blockquote>
: by DoctorPenez
: Original
: I was here for the 1/25/2020 mass wuhan bat extinction </blockquote>
===== Sex Volume 1 =====
Notorious smut crafted by xBushia, donated at an unknown time. Covering 21 pages, the fanfic includes Minecraft, YouTubers, George Floyd, shit fetishes, belly fetishes, fat fetishes, inflation/vore fetishes, furries, the apocalypse, Judaism, Febreeze product placement, and homosexuality. The text reads: <blockquote>
: by xBushia
: Original
: Dream was walking down the street, but was suddenly interrupted by Technoblades thick pig cheeks clapping down the sidewalk. He had a crush on him for years, but never had the courage to talk to him.
: "I have to dot his... I have to talk to him!" Dream thought.
: Dream nervously approached Techno and tapped him on the shoulder. Techno seemed surprised, and jumped a little when Dream tapped him.
: "Oh hi, you are that speedrunner guy!" Techno said.
: Dream started to blush and even peed a little.
: "oh... uh, yeah that's me!" Dream sweated.
: "Ive seen some people wanting us to do a 1v1, you know.." Techno winked.
: Dream started to smile, uncontrolalbly-
: "Oh, hah, yeah- that would be great! Just be soft, pleeease..." Dream mumbled.
: Techno chuckled. "We should take this to my house..." Techno said smugly.
: The two entered into Technoblade's Honda Civic.
: "Oh no!" Techno cried.
: His boner was too big, and he couldnt fit into the seat to drive.
: "haha, looks like I have to drive..." Dream shrugged.
: Dream got buckled in and they drove off.
:
: Chapter 2:
:
: Techno and Dream entered into the house. Dream was amazed.
: "This place is huge!" Dream shouted.
: "It is.. but lets hurry to my bedroom. I feel like a volcano about to errupt!" Techno urged.
: They quickly rushed into the bedroom. Techno started to take his pants off and dream got super excited. Suddenly, dream's expression changed into horror.
: "Oh, no! I forgot! Im Jewish, and that fat pig ass isnt kosher!" Dream cried.
: Techno took a finger and hushed dream.
: "Shh... in here, none of that matters. Now who is daddy's girl?" Techno said dominantly.
: "Uwu... I am your little cumslut techno daddy!" Dream moaned.
: "Good." Techno was pleased. Techno started to smack dreams juice buttocks and little shit flakes started falling out like dandruff.
: "Your a stinky girl, dream..." Techno came. "I love a little stink..."
: They were both on the bed at this point, and it started to smell really bad.
: "Techno daddy- I dont think my nose is ready for this stink!" Dream cried.
: Techno rolled his eyes and started febreeze air freshener into Dream's tight kawaii ass.
: "Eiight! It stings!!!" Dream cried harder.
: The febreeze dripped deeper into Dream's asshole untill is pushed against a peice of poop and loosened it. Suddenly, the poop broke free from the walls of Dream's asshole and gallons of cum spilled out of his ass. Dream and Techno were now covered in poop and cum but it only made them more horny.
: "All this poop on my cock is making it less effective!" Techno shouted.
: "I need someone to clean me up!" Techno asked.
: Dream started to suck on Technoblades poop covered cock like it was a chocolate coated strawberry.
: "I think this poop is making my throat sore!" Dream moaned.
: "Then it is not enough!" Techno replied.
: Techno strapped Dream into his kinky BDSM restraint device and forced his mouth open. A steady stream of chunky diarrhea began to flow out of his butthole and into dreams mouth. Dream's belly started to expand rapidly and he quickly became very fat from all the poop entering his body.
: Chapter 3
: "Techno, im all full!" Dream cried.
: Techno looked own, upon his hard work. Dreams belly was now massive and he could see the vains in his skin. He looked like a beanbag chair.
: "I think its coming out of the other end!" Dream cried.
: Techno quickly attached a tube to Dream's asshole and connected it to his mouth. Dream now had an infinite loop of poop coming out of his butt and back into his mouth. It made Techno so arroused he began to cum uncontrollably like a firehose. Cum and poop started to fill the room. It was now up to the two's waists.
: "I hope you can swim you little slut," Techno said.
: "I'm too fat, techno daddy!" Dream replied.
: Dream now weighed 1,500 pounds. The shit coming out of his butt was now breaking the laws of conversation of mass and the poop was being duplicated.
: "Techno daddy! I found a dupe glitch!" Dream moaned.
: Before Techno could reply, the cum and poop filled the room up to his mouth. He tried to swim up to reply to dream but the taste of shit and semen on this tongue only made him cum harder. Soon there was no air left in the room. The doors were air-tights and no one could breath.
: "Call me geroge floyd because I cant breathe!" Dream moaned.
: Soon the pressure of the room was too much and the entire house exploded. Dreams poop-filled body was now free to grow bigger and bigger, no longer being restricted to the dimensions of the room. His fat belly started to cover entire city blocks. The poop kept duplicating. Techno was no longer alive as he drowned in the poop and cum.
: Final Chapter
:
: 2:00 AM-
: Dream now covers the entire north american continent with his fat sweaty mobs. All of the chinese sweatshops start working at maximum speed to build him a fursuit that he can fit in, but he is growing too fast.
: 3:00AM -
: Dream now has covered the entire northern part of the earth.
: 4:00AM -
: Dream now is earth.
: 5:00AM -
: The poop dupe is too powerful and now the entire universe is just poop and cum.
:
:
: The End--
: Written by: xBushia </blockquote>
===== Cheese =====
A player head donated by Ephonium, the cheese represented a significant historical event. The text of the explanatory book reads: <blockquote>
: by Ephonium
: Original
: This piece of cheese was among those exchanged at the first meeting of representatives of the now allies Floppa-Herzegovina and Sopa de Macacostan. </blockquote>
===== Sacred Texts =====
Written by kirbylovesonion, donated at an unknown time, this book details a rap battle between white supremacist George Lincoln Rockwell and the gay spider man from Hazbin Hotel. The text reads: <blockquote>
: by kirbylovesonion
: Copy of Original
: This is George Lincoln Rockwell of the ANP, get your faggot ass on your knees and suck my BWC. Trust me, you don't pass you ugly ass tranny, get it through your thick head, you don't have a fanny.
: Your cringe ass show has only 1 episode, but yous till got fat losers trying to draw your spider chode. Your entire show's art style makes me wanna hurl. I'm not just winning this battle, it's This Time the World. Bitch.
: I fought in 2 American wars, your life is jus another story about a washed up crack whore. Wake up white man, you're being replaced, while my rhymes leave you like an Addict, totally fucking RAPED. None of you fans have ever taken a shower. White man take a stand, WHITE POWER!
: All you do for a living is hate, there's no need for that baby, then again you did die outside a laundromat, but even after death your still hatin', must be butthurt because your grandson is half Asain. Your entire movement has completely fallen flat, all it is is fat Mexicans and ugly ass traps.
: I'm battling a fucking nobody, a literally who, but my show is still taking in millions of views. Keep talking shit on Jews bitch, I'll bring all 6000000 of my homies and put your ass in a ditch. If there's a single decent rhyme in your rap, I couldn't find it.
: If you need anything sweetie, I can suck your dick. After this loss pappy Hitler won't be happy. I'll beat you so hard you'll scream OH HARDER DADDY! </blockquote>
===== Skull of Fredbear =====
Player head of Freddy Fazbear. Donator and origins unknown.
===== Gear15's Prize Sword =====
A wooden sword, hovering at 7/59 durability, boasting 4 attack damage at 1.6 attack speed.
===== Red Shulker Box Full of Cooked Chicken =====
This comes from the Shittown labratory's brief stint as an ethical chicken processing facility. xBushia hired workers from among the playerbase, who were make to work redstone contraptions that would spawn, kill, and cook the chicken, which were packed and sold as ethically grown produce. Players were given brief breaks to catch diamonds flowing down a wall of honey blocks above a lava pit.
===== Black Shulker Full of Popbob's Gift =====
''Popbob's Gift'' were iron pickaxes at 1 durability, with curse of vanishing an efficiency V as enchantments. xBushia would regularly use shulker boxes named in Arabic full of these tools as bait prizes during various Trollages and server events.
===== Allah Rifle =====
A crossbow with Multishot and Quick Charge III.
===== Cumlandian Crest =====
The updated shield banner design of Cumland.
===== Titliest(r) Pro V1(R) Golf Ball =====
Chicken spawn eggs named under xBushia's proprietary Shittown labratory GMO labs. They were frequently used as test subject, ammunition, and food for the lab security.
Sudrex
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