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Decoherence (talk | contribs) →The Human Cockroach and the Myth of Sisyphus: Revision 2: left off at "The Cockroach was far from done..." |
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Every good story needs a villain, and you don't make it to 50 server members without making a few enemies. Most of them were your average run-of-the-mill internet assholes, saying the n-word a couple of times or being slightly annoying for a few minutes before promptly vanishing. There is, however, a single user so utterly pathetic, so absolutely devoid of purpose that they choose to spend the limited time that they have on this Earth not only rotting in the dank pits of their gamer dungeon, but to making it their life's mission to mildly annoy a few Reddit mods. A tragic display of how low a human being can stoop, so infatuated by the smell of its own farts that it is unable for a moment to realize the worthlessness of its own existence. Despite the dozens of times this pest has been banned, they keep coming back like a drug-starved addict that cannot go without their daily hit, using dozens of alt accounts to stay on Reddit, as their reliance on the website is such that even a temporary withdrawal would result in a coma. The very definition of terminally online, this user shall remain unnamed, not for fear of retaliation, but as not to provide them with a drop of satisfaction. Instead, they will be referred to as what they really are: a '''human cockroach''' with no value to anyone, one that everyone wishes was just gone, yet one so persistent in its aims that no matter how much you stomp on it, it keeps coming back. One must embrace the '''cockroach''' as an unchanging constant in life, just as Sisyphus may never push the boulder up that sharply sloping hill, so too will this user never be truly removed. Once you embrace the fact that this insect is here to stay, you may indulge in laughter at the pitiful ways it claws for attention. | Every good story needs a villain, and you don't make it to 50 server members without making a few enemies. Most of them were your average run-of-the-mill internet assholes, saying the n-word a couple of times or being slightly annoying for a few minutes before promptly vanishing. There is, however, a single user so utterly pathetic, so absolutely devoid of purpose that they choose to spend the limited time that they have on this Earth not only rotting in the dank pits of their gamer dungeon, but to making it their life's mission to mildly annoy a few Reddit mods. A tragic display of how low a human being can stoop, so infatuated by the smell of its own farts that it is unable for a moment to realize the worthlessness of its own existence. Despite the dozens of times this pest has been banned, they keep coming back like a drug-starved addict that cannot go without their daily hit, using dozens of alt accounts to stay on Reddit, as their reliance on the website is such that even a temporary withdrawal would result in a coma. The very definition of terminally online, this user shall remain unnamed, not for fear of retaliation, but as not to provide them with a drop of satisfaction. Instead, they will be referred to as what they really are: a '''human cockroach''' with no value to anyone, one that everyone wishes was just gone, yet one so persistent in its aims that no matter how much you stomp on it, it keeps coming back. One must embrace the '''cockroach''' as an unchanging constant in life, just as Sisyphus may never push the boulder up that sharply sloping hill, so too will this user never be truly removed. Once you embrace the fact that this insect is here to stay, you may indulge in laughter at the pitiful ways it claws for attention. | ||
[[File:CockroachLore1.png|left|thumb|320x320px|The first documented encounter of the '''r/69MoeLester420''' mod staff with the '''Cockroach'''.]] | [[File:CockroachLore1.png|left|thumb|320x320px|The first documented encounter of the '''r/69MoeLester420''' mod staff with the '''Cockroach'''.]] | ||
On November 11, the '''cockroach''' was first banned on the '''r/69MoeLester420''' subreddit. While the specific reasons | On November 11, the '''cockroach''' was first banned on the '''r/69MoeLester420''' subreddit. While the specific reasons were lost to time, the '''cockroach''''s username, a clear anti-Semitic dog whistle (or perhaps just a whistle), as well as its behavior in the following months, leaves racism as the most likely possibility. This first ban did not produce many issues. It would not be until January that our story would truly begin. On January 18 the '''Cockroach''' was banned from the subreddit for a second time. The moment the gavel hit the hardwood and the ban was dealt, the fate of the universe itself was sealed. An eternal nemesis was found, one we may never rid ourselves of—our own boulder to push. | ||
On January 19, both '''Walter''' and '''SlenderSmurf''' woke up to their Reddit accounts temporarily suspended. The reason? Harassment. The '''Cockroach''', the | On January 19, both '''Walter''' and '''SlenderSmurf''' woke up to find their Reddit accounts temporarily suspended. The reason? Harassment. The '''Cockroach''', the had decided to report its modmail conversation to the Reddit admins. The low-life weasel spent hours provoking the mods, only to call the teacher the moment someone insulted it back. The punishments, lasting 2 days and a week respectively, were served with dignity, as would be expected from Reddit mods worth their karma. It is important to note that it wasn't the length or even the existence of these bans that was insulting, but rather the fact that someone would stoop so low as to involve the '''Reddit admins''' in the situation. That is a sign of the lowest breed of man, one so wretched that they would make a deal with Satan himself for rather than admit defeat. Thus did the '''Moederators''' intuit what kind of person they were dealing with, but nothing could prepare them for what came next. | ||
On February 13, as the encounter with the '''Cockroach''' | On February 13, as the encounter with the '''Cockroach''' faded from the '''Moederators'''' memories, an '''image''' was posted to the '''r/69MoeLester420''' subreddit. Not any ordinary image, as one may guess from the fact that its very existence warranted an entire paragraph of text. '''The image''', featuring an uncensored, bloody penis cut in half in an incredibly unclean, gory fashion, was posted nineteen times. Nineteen. That is almost as much as 9+10. This was the '''First Impact''', otherwise known as the '''Penis Gore Incident'''. Such an event is especially dangerous for a small subreddit, as '''r/69MoeLester420''' was at the time, holding less than 5000 members, as an influx of gore on a subreddit where the mods aren't terminally online could very well result in the entire subreddit being banned. The '''MoeLester Nation''' forever stays grateful to '''koonsbmw''' for being the first one on the ground and dealing with the situation in a quick and efficient fashion. Sadly, as one might expect, this was far from the only encounter with the '''Cockroach'''. | ||
Remember that lockdown idea the '''Moederators''' had, way back before the partnership with '''r/IDONTGIVEASWAG''' and '''r/IkeaFreshBalls''' was signed? | Remember that lockdown idea the '''Moederators''' had, way back before the partnership with '''r/IDONTGIVEASWAG''' and '''r/IkeaFreshBalls''' was signed? Simply put, instead of leaving the floodgates of reddit open, each post would have to be approved by the mods. Although it hadn't been implemented before, this situation provided the perfect opportunity to test it out. With the code was already in place, all that was left to do was announce it. By the end of the day, the temporary lockdown had gone into effect <ref> WalterWhiteOnReddit (February 13, 2023). https://www.reddit.com/r/69Moelester420/comments/111jz94/attention_moe_lesters/ ''Reddit.'' </ref>, intended to stop any raids in the following days, until another less intrusive method of moderation was found. At the advice of '''Sam''', still a regular member at the time, a minimum karma limit was set up, filtering out any posts made by new accounts. | ||
[[File:Cockroachlore2.png|thumb|317x317px|The '''Cockroach''' attempts to scare the '''Moederators''' with a threat of another raid, mere days after the first one.]] | [[File:Cockroachlore2.png|thumb|317x317px|The '''Cockroach''' attempts to scare the '''Moederators''' with a threat of another raid, mere days after the first one.]] | ||
The '''Cockroach''' was far from done. Unbeknownst to the '''Moederators''' at the time, a vile scheme was being planned in the most twisted corners of the internet. A call to arms, intended to bring the Soy Army to the side of the '''Cockroach'''. Unfortunately for it, it would seem that not even the userbase of such depraved websites as soyjak.party would wish to associate itself with such an insult to what it means to be a human being. <ref> The Cockroach (February 16, 2023) https://soyjak.party/raid/res/33873.html''Soyjak Party.'' </ref> Yet even so, give up it would not. On February 16, just as the lockdown was lifted, and the new measures put into place, a post from one of the '''Cockroach''''s alts made its way into the subreddit's mod queue. It was clear right away that this was not the last we would see of it. Soon after, a GIF with the caption "LOL UKRAINE", showing the death of two soldiers in the midst of the ongoing Russo-Ukrainian War, got posted, soon followed by a text post, written by a friend{{Citation needed}} of the '''Cockroach''', asking for its unbanning. Both posts were quickly removed. The '''Second Impact''', thankfully, proved to be much easier to bear through. | The '''Cockroach''' was far from done. Unbeknownst to the '''Moederators''' at the time, a vile scheme was being planned in the most twisted corners of the internet. A call to arms, intended to bring the Soy Army to the side of the '''Cockroach'''. Unfortunately for it, it would seem that not even the userbase of such depraved websites as soyjak.party would wish to associate itself with such an insult to what it means to be a human being. <ref> The Cockroach (February 16, 2023) https://soyjak.party/raid/res/33873.html''Soyjak Party.'' </ref> Yet even so, give up it would not. On February 16, just as the lockdown was lifted, and the new measures put into place, a post from one of the '''Cockroach''''s alts made its way into the subreddit's mod queue. It was clear right away that this was not the last we would see of it. Soon after, a GIF with the caption "LOL UKRAINE", showing the death of two soldiers in the midst of the ongoing Russo-Ukrainian War, got posted, soon followed by a text post, written by a friend{{Citation needed}} of the '''Cockroach''', asking for its unbanning. Both posts were quickly removed. The '''Second Impact''', thankfully, proved to be much easier to bear through. |